


feel right

by fealle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Schmoop, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3441425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fealle/pseuds/fealle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>.... but his "nothing" and "whatever" with Kuroo amounts to maxing out his phone credits on stupid texts and endless skype calls during the weekend and a "nothing" and "whatever" every two weeks while going to the park, a concert, a movie night, so maybe his definitions of "nothing" and "whatever" need more adjusting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	feel right

**Author's Note:**

> mostly introspective stuff on these guys speculating about their future. hella schmoop.

Sometime during the summer, Kuroo tells him he's passed his exams and he's gonna be attending university in a couple of months. Not that he specifically asked for this. But he got dragged into the Nekoma-Karasuno facebook group that Sawamura-san made a long time ago (appropriately named 'the trash bin', and it's a pity he couldn't like the name enough times), and the announcement was made by Lev. And then a PM followed from Bokuto-san (because of course it's not just a Nekoma-Karasuno facebook group, it's also an actual trash bin as far as people are concerned) and Kuroo himself, both asking him to come, and the other an invitation to play with them/him as soon as they see each other in the weekend. Tsukishima read both messages and ignored them in favour of ... Well, anything else, really.

 

Akiteru has already asked him to scout schools for his future, but it's not like he hasn't been doing that in the past couple of months already; more than that, he's also looking at schools outside of Japan, to see whomever's offering something good in North America or in Europe. It's a fairly ambitious dream, and he's not even sure if he's got enough money for that or if his family's going to be able to chip in as much, but if there's something Tsukishima hates more than anything else, it's being told he possibly can't do it within circumstances in which he probably can fix by himself.

 

So he takes on a part time job while in high school, working in the evenings and weekends in a bakery while attempting to fit in as much training as he can. More often than not he ends up horribly exhausted and irritated after, to the point that Kageyama, at one time in training, has privately told him he's being an asshole. That Kageyama has changed is nothing new; that Kageyama is worried is unacceptable and Tsukishima immediately felt like he's failed something, or someone, which is ridiculous because he's never really put as much stock into belonging into a team as he had. Yamaguchi was a lot kinder; he tells him: "you're not the only one worried, Tsukki."

 

It's a little bit clicheed, but Tsukishima doesn't feel young. What he does know, however, is that he's gotten a lot better at managing his time and at being patient; countless of times having to deal with irate or frantic customers at the bakery has given him enough practice to carry onto the court. No matter what the venue is, predicting how people make their way into your field of vision is always a necessary skill. Tsukishima is lucky because he's keen enough and polite enough to carry his way out of trouble, but sometimes his temper gets the better of him. That's fine, his boss tells him, a little sympathetic. We're all human.

 

He's cleaning up the bakery a few minutes after they've closed when his cel phone rings; at the insistence of Sawamura and Kageyama, he unfortunately has the captain of Nekoma's number in his phone, and when he glanced at his name Tsukishima can't help but be irritated as he took the call. "yes?"

 

"Ah, Tsukki, that's not very cute of you. You're supposed to say stuff like - "

 

"Kuroo-san. I'm at work. Please don't waste my time."

 

There's a low whistle at the end and then he can practically see in his mind's eye that slow, patient grin that Kuroo sometimes has when he's dealing with him, especially pronounced when he says stuff like, "I'm in the area. I'll pick you up after."

 

That stops him from mopping the floor, and he frowns. "What for?"

 

"Hey, I wanted to celebrate."

 

"There's a party on the weekend, if I recall Lev's post about your acceptance."

 

"Aha _ha_ , are you evading me?"

 

He could've snapped the mop handle in two then and there. It's been a long day. He really doesn't have the patience for this. Perhaps Kuroo realized that too, and so he hurriedly adds, "I'll take you out for dinner and a drink. My treat."

 

"I'm underage."

 

"Dinner, then."

 

Tsukishima considers it, and then replies, "I hope you're ready to burn your credit card," to which Kuroo just laughs at him. 

 

"You assume I have a credit card. Alright, I'll see you in a few." And then he hangs up.

 

It occurred to him that he didn't even ask where he works, or what time he finishes, but Kuroo always has ways of figuring out how to make things work with regards to things that interest him, and maybe he's part of that now; moving on from "that blond underclassman that was trained by Fukurudani's ace and Nekoma's captain" to "that blond underclassman Kuroo occasionally hangs out with", two categories that were once distinct in his mind and had taken great pains to separate but apparently are now blurring, bit by bit, irrespective of what Tsukishima thinks of it. Kind of like the way things are between him and the man himself, really. 

 

***

 

It's not weird for Kuroo to come by Miyagi. It's not weird for him to say he's in the area and then call him up either; it's just a thing that started to happen more and more frequently near the end of his first year. At first the reasons were a lot more mundane - 'errands to run for the coach,' Kuroo said blithely one time, intentionally throwing the old man under the bus for whatever it is he's got planned while Tsukishima raises an eyebrow at him as he hands him a yakisoba bun in the bakery; another time he said he'd taken the wrong train, which is even a lot less likely given that he grew up in Tokyo and was used to traffic that's a lot crazier than Tsukishima has ever seen. After a while he just stopped asking, and Kuroo followed in not giving excuses anymore; for some reason, he really just took the time off his schedule, exams and training and all, to see him.

 

It's a matter of pride that Tsukishima doesn't question it; from one volleyball player to another, this was really something that he could humblebrag about. More important, however, is how he realized that the company's not actually that bad; Kuroo has a tendency to take him to stupidly childish places like the arcade or the fair at more than one occasion, but after a while he's decided to take him to things that Tsukishima likes a bit better: concerts that Kuroo isn't familiar with, dinosaur exhibits where Tsukishima takes great pains not to look so uncool, but he ends up teaching Kuroo about the entire Holocene period anyway, places in Miyagi that has the best cheesecake. Kuroo takes them in stride, doesn't complain. Asks questions in everything he's interested in, is dutiful to praise him with restraint when he says something with more than one line. Tsukishima's a bit flattered about it.

 

He's returned the attention, bit by bit: going to the race track with Kuroo, concerts he likes (which were all very cool rock and jazz bands he's not familiar with either, and he's a bit jealous he gets to see the best ones in Tokyo), movies he enjoys, favourite ramen places, tickets to tournaments he's invited to as a former captain. He passes him off as some kind of protege to the latter; Tsukishima gladly plays the role. It's an odd thing that he knows a lot more about Kuroo than he should. He's never counted the things they do as dates, but it's also not hard to realize that he's started to text him as much as he texts Yamaguchi or his family or anyone in the team. Yamaguchi once asked him if there's something going on; more or less if he's being scouted, but if there's anythiing more personal than that, with a sly smile; Tsukishima replied, of course, that it's just "nothing" and more or less "whatever". But his "nothing" and "whatever" with Kuroo amounts to maxing out his phone credits on stupid texts and endless skype calls during the weekend and a "nothing" and "whatever" every two weeks while going to the park, a concert, a movie night, so maybe his definitions of "nothing" and "whatever" need more adjusting.

 

***

 

Kuroo comes around eight. Tsukishima is exhausted around that time, saying his goodbyes to his co-workers and to the owner, his feet hurting in the black, leather soles that he has to wear as part of his costume. Somehow Kuroo knows about this and has brought him a paper bag with more comfortable shoes. Obviously he knows where he lives and obviously his family is used to his face. Kuroo is thorough like that, and Tsukishima has learned not to be unnerved or overly sensitive about it; any other reaction gives Kuroo ammunition in the future. The only proper response is to thank him, which he's been learning to dole out uneasily here and there. To his credit, Kuroo doesn't respond with a provocation, but he does have a softer smile on his face.

 

He switches his shoes and Kuroo carries his bag for him like it's no big deal, and then he asks him, "how'd work go?"

 

Tsukishima gives a slight shrug. "Same as always. Had to help at the back to help fill out an order or two. People are irritating when they take their time in the cashier like they have a right to."

 

"They probably think you're really nice and cute when you help them, Tsukki."

 

"I told you not to call me that," he replies automatically, knowing he'll lose this battle in a few minutes, and has been losing it daily for the rest of his life since he's met him. "It's not a bad place to work, I just wish I was doing something else." He slips his hands into the pockets of his jeans, watching him keenly. "But that's why you're here."

 

"Aa. Totally mugged a few freshmen to provide me the cash I need to entertain my cute kouhai."

 

"You make it sound like you're a sugar daddy."

 

"But I'm a poor university student now. Would that make me a salty daddy instead?"

 

Tsukishima shakes his head and whacks him with his spiking arm, which makes Kuroo nearly fall onto the side of the road. It's a pity there weren't any cars, but that's just him being morbid. "Please stop talking. I can't believe they let you out in the streets."

 

+++

 

They end up going to a Mongolian restaurant. There's a new one that opened downtown with a nice vibe to it that Tsukishima approves of. Kuroo generously gives him bowl after bowl of rice or noodle ("your mom would be upset if she thinks I'm starving you," "You're taking this salty daddy way too seriously, Kuroo-san, you should add at least a slice of steak"). Kuroo talks about a potential internship he can get while studying physiotherapy. Tsukishima asks him a lot of important questions on treating common injuries, which Kuroo's glad to explain the details of anyhow. He talks about his dad being promoted. He talks about his mom fretting about how he's gonna manage living alone when he can barely clean his room; Tsukishima snidely tells him, "ah. I see your parents have really suffered," and Kuroo, petulant, steals his steak. They barely touch on school. Tsukishima is stressed about his exams, and he's studying as best as he can. He did mention the fact that he's looking for schools outside Japan, which made Kuroo raise an eyebrow at him.

 

"You don't approve." It wasn't a question, and he wasn't accusing him, just stating facts, except Tsukishima feels like he's ready to cut him verbally should he tell him he's being too ambitious; he's had enough of that from others and he's certainly not going to take it from him of all people, especially him. To his relief, Kuroo just shakes his head. "No, I think it's a great idea. Still, North America and Europe .... That's pretty far."

 

"If they're willing to pay me and hone my talents in the sport I like, I don't see any reason why I should turn any of them down should the opportunity come knocking." He felt defensive as he said this, which is unfair given that Kuroo hasn't even provoked him into anything. Kuroo can tell, though, that he's absolutely serious about this; he puts up both his hands in surrender and gives a slight smile.

 

"I'm not telling you off. Like I said, I think it's a great idea. You've got enough in your record to make a very strong case for a scholarship in whichever school you want to go." He eats his noodles thoughtfully, and gives him a very piercing look, which contrasts with how soft his voice goes when he tells him, "old men can be oddly sentimental, you know."

 

His chest hurts at the words. Tsukishima dismisses it as the beginnings of a heart burn, and quietly finishes his food and drink. The rest of the time is spent discussing where Kuroo will rent an apartment, who his roommates will be, and how he's going to survive without his dad's delicious cooking, and has decided on a diet mostly involving ramen and pizza pops; Tsukishima rolls his eyes.

 

"You're going to be the fattest benchwarmer your team has ever had. They will have to roll you onto the court and use you as a gaudy, overpriced volleyball."

 

" _Gaudy_? I think you mean sophisticated. Adaptable. I can also play an iron wall."

 

No matter how many times Kuroo insists that he'll pay, he usually ends up splitting the bill between him and Tsukishima because of the latter's insistence. This time, however, he succeeds in actually treating him, because he announced cheerfully to the waitress (and as far as Tsukishima was concerned, to everyone in the restaurant, with mild irritation) that he's treating his kouhai since he just passed his exams. A smile and a couple of congratulations later, both of them leave with Tsukishima not even managing to take out his wallet.

 

"You shouldn't have done that," Tsukishima scolds him later on.

 

"I told you I'd treat you out."

 

"You should've let me pay at least half."

 

Kuroo shrugs. "And I didn't. It's not a question of money."

 

That sounds like an emotional landmine he's not willing to step on, so Tsukishima purses his lips into a thin line, disappointment and pride coloring his face. Kuroo smiles. "I like to think I'm being a good daddy. Worth my salt."

 

"The only thing you're good for are hair care commercials targeted to balding old men."

 

"Tsukki, please don't hurt my feelings. I can't go back to Tokyo as a shell of a human being."

 

+++

 

They stay out a bit longer than that. They made a quick stop in Tsukishima's house so he can change his clothes from the uniform he still had to something more comfortable and tell his parents he'll be hanging out with him, and then they end up in Tokyo, more than a couple of hours later on the train, Tsukishima getting short naps while waiting, where he wakes up leaning against the window with his fingers brushing against Kuroo's while he reads the newspaper on their trip. He's learned not to be upset at them sharing too close of a space, but that took a while; a long time ago, you couldn't make him sit still enough beside him should their thighs brush together in a cramped space. Nowadays so long as he's not overtaking his spot and doesn't look embarrassing enough when he wakes up, he's happy.

 

He's underage and doesn't really drink often, but Kuroo takes him to concerts where a lot of that is happening and he ends up drinking with him. He's not a bad drunk. But Kuroo's experienced enough to keep an eye on him, to tell him when to stop, to grab his beer from him and drink it in his stead while he lets him lean against his shoulder as he listens to the sounds of the bass guitar in this rock band vibrate in the club; he's tired enough not to notice that he's probably gonna wake up deaf. Kuroo doesn't mind the warmth. He'll call a cab later on if he has to, but most of the time he leads him back to his place where, at this point, Tsukishima's certainly crashed enough times that he's got a drawer dedicated to clothes that he leaves in his apartment. The same way that sometimes, there will be a Nekoma jacket way too big for him in Tsukishima's laundry, and his brother has known better than to point out the fact that there are just way too many Nekoma jerseys in his laundry and not one of them fits him properly at all.

 

Tsukki's out for the night. He sleeps on Kuroo's bed while Kuroo's on his desk, catching up with the monster of a chatroom that he has with his former Nekoma teammates, writing out emails he has to send to respective people with regards to school and other things, e-mailing his parents and telling them a friend's staying over and wishing them well on their cruise in the Caribbean and reminding them to bring home a present for him. After a while he makes tea for himself, flipping through the channels on the tv late in the evening as he watches Tsukki sleep soundly beside him, snoring softly. He thinks about Tsukki moving half a world away with an ocean in between, thinks about the difference in between their ages (not a lot - but there's always plenty of time for Tsukki to meet others - someone else - ), thinks about what Yamaguchi has described as that "nothing" and "whatever" he's got going on with him, because of course he knows about that too. Thinks a lot about what to do next, how to break it to him that after a couple of months of nothing and whatevers, a readjustment has to be made where both of them can meet in a new definition halfway where one or the other stays because of mutual interest. He thinks about needing to do that soon.

 

He turns off the tv after half an hour of watching some other sport (damn, why does it take so long for anything to happen in football?), and walks to the toilet to brush his teeth, puts out an extra towel for Tsukki in the morning to use and takes out the toiletries he leaves in his place anyhow. Thinks about how Tsukki has the same thing in his house back in Miyagi, things he collects of Kuroo that he just leaves here and there, exasperating him endlessly while he calls him a useless stray cat, and Kuroo smiles as he rinses his mouth and finishes setting up the bathroom for him. He crawls into his bed with a light headache and watches Tsukki's peaceful face as he sleeps. He thinks about kissing him. He thinks about holding him around the waist and pulling him close and tilting his chin and then leaning down to kiss him. He thinks about stupid things like holding his hand and leaning his forehead against his own, or thrilling things like leaning down to bite at the soft skin in between shoulder and neck. He thinks about murmuring against his throat not to leave.

 

He does none of these things as he watches him sleep. But he does make another trip to the toilet, and, locking the door quietly, jacks off to the image of Tsukishima doing all of these things with him. It doesn't help him get to sleep any better when he's done, but at least he's exhausted enough to drift into sleep a few minutes later just by closing his eyes and dreaming.

 

(Tsukishima, for the most part, knows vaguely what he's done. It's hard to sleep with Kuroo just moving around his room, even if he's done his best to do it quietly. He's flattered, however, and in the morning Kuroo wakes up with a hand underneath his own, so maybe that's nice enough of a gesture for him to be reassured that everything will be alright.)

 

+++

 

Things Kuroo can cook: a decent omelette, some crepes. A lot better than Tsukishima can, anyway, so he wakes up to the smell of bacon and eggs in the kitchen, just in time to watch Kuroo finish the more savory crepes and watch him start a new batch. "Morning," he tells him cheerfully. "I'm making one with strawberries and cream."

 

"Good," Tsukishima says, yawning as he makes his way to the side of the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He's crawled out of his clothes earlier and instead has put on clothes that were half his and half Kuroo's, and he's not really awake enough to be appalled at his utter shamelessness. Not like Kuroo's complaining. He likes the look of a red jersey against his pale skin better than the blue and orange, but he's very biased.

 

"I have a slight headache."

 

"Need aspirin?"

 

Tsukishima shakes his head. "I'll be fine. It's more inconvenient than anything else."

 

Kuroo hums thoughtfully as he makes his crepes. He has an entire box of strawberries that he's gonna turn into dessert crepes for him. Tsukishima glances through the messages on his phone. Somehow Yamaguchi has let slip to Hinata that he's with the former Nekoma captain, and now he has fifteen messages on how jealous he is that they're doing so much training. Tsukishima rolls his eyes. 

 

They eat quietly after that, Tsukishima not really up to talking or anything because of how much he'd drank the night before (not a lot, but he's tired and they'd stayed up all night), and Kuroo more than happy to indulge him in the silence. He thinks about telling Kuroo that he knows what he did in the toilet the night before, and decides against it.

 

Evidently one of them is going to talk about something, and it'll have to be Kuroo because Tsukki won't, so he starts by saying, "are you serious about applying to schools outside of Japan?"

 

Tsukki pauses from slicing his crepe, and a sudden wariness overcomes him as he says, "yes."

 

Kuroo nods. "Alright. Let me know how I can help, whether training or otherwise."

 

He doesn't say anything to that, other than - "okay." Finishes eating his crepe. It's delicious. It also reminds him that he'll have to leave the house soon. He has to help his brother with something mundane. He has to do a lot of things but he doesn't feel like leaving and it's really comfortable to be here with Kuroo, wearing his clothes. Eventually he'll have a new batch of clothes from him during his time in university as well, something he actually doesn't mind anymore. The massive difference in size makes everything about Kuroo's clothes roomy and warm. Even better if they smell like him, which should be gross, except that it's not really gross anymore and Tsukishima tries to remember when did he even start being this uncool, and when he stopped caring it's kind of uncool. Somewhere in between the banter and the time spent together he's told his ego to take a hike, apparently, because he's going to miss a lot of things if he doesn't. Things like breakfast with Kuroo and a drawer full of his clothes and stupid concerts that turn him deaf in the dead of the night and just plain laughing with him, at him. He also thinks he's having too many heart burns at the idea of just being with Kuroo.

 

Kuroo's in the middle of eating his omelette when Tsukki tells him, as nonchalantly as he can, "if you don't text or email me at least once a week - "

 

He didn't even manage to finish; Kuroo raises an eyebrow in the middle of his speech and butts in with, "of course I damn will."

 

That leaves them both staring at each other, Tsukishima annoyed at having been interrupted and gratified that Kuroo said yes, Kuroo looking at him like he's ridiculously dumb at even thinking he won't, so he adds, "might have to adjust my sleeping schedules depending on where you go, but whatever, it's not like I sleep at a decent hour anyway. Nothing to worry about."

 

He has no comeback to that; he has spent all this time not knowing how to deal with whatever it is they're dealing with and not realizing that they've already dealt with it enough that neither one actually wants to be alone at this point, so he just replies with, "good."

 

"Ah, Tsukki. Are you embarrassed?" Seeing the look on his face, Kuroo grinned. "I don't think you can get rid of me anymore, and the same can be said with you .... Guess you're stuck with your kind of poor daddy after all."

 

"You're a pervert who looks like a hobo with a depressing bank account. You'll never be able to afford a kouhai as good as me."

 

"... Ow," Kuroo says politely.

 

"And anyway - "

 

"Anyway - "

 

Tsukishima looks away. "I'm really comfortable here. With you."

 

Ah.

 

Kuroo finishes his meal. He stands up to leave his dishes on the sink, but not before moving towards him and leaning down to kiss his forehead, which makes Tsukki turn red.

 

"You're an idiot, Kei." He says fondly. 

 

 

END.


End file.
